Silence

It seems my voice has been drowned out by my own thoughts.  The busier I become, a slave to my own ideals and expectations, the more I seem to push writing to the wayside.  What purpose do my words play in the big, old blogosphere?  I don't know.  I don't know that even matters.  However, I do know I will not find my true, authentic voice unless I write.  I will only be silenced by the onslaught of picture perfect Instagram posts, followed by links to blogs that inspire and make me aspire. . .but stifle my onslaught of words.

Sometimes it seems my words are all I have to offer as a gift to a hurting friend, a confused child, an angry person, or my best friend.  Writing for me is an undisciplined practice, a dream that was born in my heart as a child who filled journal after journal with stories I now share with my own kids.  Where did that dream go? Did it die because it wasn't practical?  It wasn't an easy feat so I locked the memory in the deep recesses of my mind?  I don't know.  I don't know that I'm the same writer today, anyways.  Fiction seems a far away avenue that I wouldn't even know how to begin.  I'm an avid reader, but a writer?  Not so much these days.

Is it a book contract that makes ones words matter more than someone else's?  Or is the writer offering a glimpse into their world that should be accepted as an invitation to understand them from their perspective? Again, I don't know.  I do know I've been silent for too long now in this space.  I also know that my thoughts don't stop just because I haven't written any of them down.  So today I write some words.  Maybe tomorrow I'll write some more.

Breaking Dawn

With each new dawn, comes an invitation to be a better version of yourself than you were the day before.  Each day is filled with beauty, wonder, mess, madness, and enough grace to cover a multitude of sin.  That old adage, everything looks better in the morning, may not, it turns out, be true.  It may not look better, but it is your chance to do better.

Of this I am certain: we will live and we will die.  All the breathing that is done between those breaths will likely build up and tear down. . .on a day to day basis.  This is life.  Offenses that offend, slips of the tongue, attitude adjustments, tone of voice needing to be taken down a notch all in the course of the first hour of our feet hitting the floor!  All of these infractions causing a slow death of self over the course of a long, sometimes very long day.

But God. It is only when we lean in to the pain, we heed our Father's voice, we ignore the critiques or criticisms of others, we trust that where we are right now is exactly where we need to be. . .only then, can we view the dawning of a new day as an opportunity to do better. To be better.  We can rest knowing He directs our paths.  He holds us in the palm of His hand.  He is cheering us on to complete another day, no matter how good we handle it or how badly we blow it.  He already knows tomorrow is a new day filled with unlimited opportunity. . .to do better.  To be better.

16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.--Hebrews 4:16

Whatever you're going through right now, before you even open your eyes from slumber, pray that God would help you be the best version of yourself for today.  Pray that you would feel his mercy and grace cover you, as soft as your favorite blanket.  Only then, get up out of that bed to face today with a confidence that you've got this.  You and Him are a team and together you can do anything!

Top Two Tuesday

Today's top two thoughts:

• Faith is caught not taught. Children are always watching. Living lives we want our kids to exemplify in a way that is aligned with our values and faith is of utmost importance to me.  It makes me think of a song we used to sing in church: 

We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
And we pray that our unity will one day be restored
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yeah they'll know we are Christians by our love

We will work with each other, we will work side by side
We will work with each other, we will work side by side
And we'll guard each man's dignity and save each man's pride
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yeah, they'll know we are Christians by our love.

Let them know us by our love.

• Racism is real.  As if that alone isn't heartbreaking enough, it shatters me to my core that there are elementary aged children who already carry out this message of hate.  Shatters me.  Just as faith is caught, so are the ugly, dark messages of hate passed down from one generation to the next.  So devastatingly sad. . .But God.  He already knows how this pains my heart and the hearts of my children and He is enough.  He says we are enough.  He sees no color, only love. Let them, the rest of them, know us by our love. . . because it is real.  

Servant-Heart

Sometimes it is in the serving that we are served our largest portion.  Sometimes it's not so much about the serving, but the thought, care, consideration, and prayer that leads up to the act of service that matters most. It is in our caring for and serving others that we use our unique gifts and strengths.  It is a servant heart that knows in order to really live, we must be willing to give.  As long as there is breath to breathe, there is life to live which means there is more to give--of ourselves, our resources, our time, our treasures.  In order to really live, we must be willing to give.

There is no fancy formula.  Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.--1 Corinthians 15:58

It is in the giving of ourselves that we are transformed into Jesus' hands and feet.  It might be our service that soothes and softens hearts. One simple act may open a blind eye to see their value and worth.  We just might become a part of a monumental shift in someone's thinking, in their way of doing life. We might have contributed to adding another disciple to this broken, bleak, weary world.  And to think: it all started with a simple servant heart.

My brothers and sisters, give to live!

Facing Forty

Back in the beginning of November, a new decade of my life was just beginning, yet I felt as if my blogging days might soon come to an end.  As much as I enjoyed having a completed book of memories come the end of December, the process was becoming tedious.

Then a couple of days before my Papa's death, two struggled, whispered words ignited a stirring in me. 

"Still here," is what my Papa said.  I believe these were the final words I ever heard from my last living grandparent after I asked how he was doing.  He had said these words often the last year of his life.  But on this day, November 4, 2015 my brain kicked into high gear and I was excited as thoughts seemed to swirl and connect.  His familiar answer had taken on a meaning all its own.

He may have passed two days later, from this life into the next one, but I was still here.  This was a personal invitation:

• to love
• to live
• to inspire
• to serve

His last words unexpectedly created in me a longing:  to pursue a place where I was free to be me.  His words reminded me of the legacy I will one day leave behind and gave me inspiration for a blog that is different from my family's adventures.  This is your invitation to join me on a journey of exploration, self-discovery, and anything else we might uncover along the way.  

Peace. . .